Burnham Ramblers v Ilford

Leslie Field

Essex Senior League

September 3 2016

Ground No 190

BURNHAM on Crouch is, as fans of Ian Dury and the Blockheads will already be aware, the place to lie with a nice bit of posh on the couch.

It's also the place to be if you want to see the Ramblers at home in Essex Senior League action on Non-League Day 2016.

I can only take Mr Dury at his word regarding the "bit of posh" activities but were said ladies to exist, he wouldn't have found any in the vicinity of Leslie Field.

For while Burnham is a popular haunt among bank managers, lawyers and accountants with a penchant for yachting, the ground is situated on the edge of a rough and ready industrial estate.

Home to the Ramblers since 1987, Leslie Field's dominant feature is the large, brick-built, gable roofed clubhouse which also houses the changing rooms and a function suite.

Leaning up against it inside the ground is the main stand with around 150 seats - pretty comfortable as it goes and with a decent amount of leg room.

It was while sitting in one of said seats that I was asked a question I'd never heard at a game before - "Have you got any Blu Tac?" The guy in need - who I'm pretty certain was joking - was trying to attach what looked like a Lithuanian flag to the perimeter fence. Fortunately he managed without the need for a sticking agent. Result.

Curiously there are dug-outs built into the stand - an arrangement that was never going to work - and bigger, more practically positioned dug-outs  on the opposite side of the pitch are used by the teams.

Also opposite is a covered standing area backing on to a changing room block that serves one of the three other pitches (including a training pitch) on the 10-acre site.

Save for a small terrace of three shallow steps behind one goal, that's about it as far as the ground goes.

I worried - unnecessarily as it turned out - at the very clearly inoperational  tea and snack van next to the main stand. Fortunately however, I heard a bloke taking tea and coffee orders from his pals at half-time so I followed him as he unbolted the main gate and made his way through the car park, into the clubhouse building and up the stairs into a cosy car area with a tea bar in the corner.

The tea was a snip at 70p and the surroundings were pleasant too, with pennants and photos adorning the walls and flags and shirts from various professional clubs on the ceiling.

Ramblers were in the Ryman League until recently and everything is in place for them to operate at that level again. Leslie Field is a decent enough ground with a particularly distinctive main stand (my in-laws bought me a postcard depicting it on a recent visit to Burnham - can't imagine too many step five clubs can boast that).

All they need is a team to match. Burnham are rooted to the foot of the ESL table without a draw let alone a win to their name and had conceded 16 goals in their previous four games without registering a single one themselves.

In fact they'd also crashed 9-0 at home to today's opponents in the FA Cup on the opening day of the season, so a 3-1 defeat on this occasion must have almost felt like a win.