Bishops Stortford v Ebbsfleet Utd

The Prokit (UK) Stadium

National League South

February 6, 2016

Ground No 185

 

IT'S easy to be spoilt when things are going swimmingly well isn't it?

 

Take the Ebbsfleet fan who walked past me with 15 or so minutes of his side's match at the Prokit (UK) Stadium to go.

 

The Fleet are flying high at the top of National League South - eight points clear before kick-off and were 2-1 up away from home going into the closing stages of a match they did eventually close out to stretch their advantage to 11 points.

 

But, with the home side not unexpectedly applying a reasonable amount of pressure, Angry of Kent wasn't impressed. A brief look up as he passed some fellow Fleet fans revealed a stern face as he turned to them, muttered "What a nightmare" then continued on his way.

 

Clearly he didn't come close to the enthusiasm shown by the Pretend Commentator at Southend Manor a week earlier but at least he had a nightmare 2-1 win to celebrate along with the large contingent of travelling supporters.

 

What Mr Downbeat wouldn't have cause to complain about is how to find the ground.  Despite Stansted being known as The Airportmen, Bishops Stortford's home is actually closer to Stansted Airport. Just the other side of the M11 services the floodlights and main stand peak over the light industrial units and a nice, big sign points the way to the entrance and sizeable car park.

 

The stadium is neat and tidy with room for 4,525 fans and has been home to the club since opening in 1999 - in time to earn it the honour of staging the last league game in England of the 20th century.

 

Entrance is either side of the brick-built, 300-seat cantilever main stand which sits in front of the bar (big stage and dancefloor but no real ales on handpump although the keg Old Speckled Hen wasn't too shabby) and function room.

 

Also on that side is the food bar which served a very tasty bacon cheeseburger and had my mate rubbing his hands with delight at offering Bovril for only a quid.

 

Covered terracing is situated behind each goal while a small seated stand, video gantry perched atop, straddles the halfway line opposite.

 

It's new, it's functional rather than quirky and it's unspectacular. But the Prokit (UK) Stadium has plenty of room and with more than 500 enthusiastic fans inside, produced an entertaining match on a surface probably described somewhere as "difficult" and a vibrant matchday atmosphere. What a nightmare, eh?

 

 

Southend Manor v Tower Hamlets

The Arena Stadium, Southchurch Park

Essex Senior League

January 30, 2016

Ground No 184

 

 

THE superlatives flowed, the words echoed loudly around Southend Manor's small stepped standing area and the passion for the game unfolding in front of him burst forth with vigour.

 

The voice behind the microphone was filled with enthusiasm, excitement and zest. Well it would have been had there actually been a microphone.

 

It turns out this was my first encounter with Neil Collins AKA The Pretend Commentator.

 

Being a Johnny Come Lately to the South-East non-league scene, I hadn't come across Neil before or even heard of him.

 

But it transpires he's a well-known figure in Essex and East London, attending games with his headphones, stopwatch at notebook, spending all 90 minutes describing the action in his own infectious and attentive style, adding a fair sprinkling of facts, figures and observations too.

 

And let's not forget the quirky quips - "This is football not ice hockey," after the third goal went in; "It looks as though the sun will be orange and not yellow tonight," as Tower Hamlets (in orange) powered to a 3-1 win over Southend Manor (in yellow). I've heard worse from real commentators.

 

Videos of him have gone viral and he's been featured both in the local press and The Sun Online. Non-league football is rarely short of characters and Neil surely has to be one of the biggest. This was an entertaining match with four goals, but you get the impression he'd have been no less enthusiastic had it ended goalless.

 

By all accounts he's been giving running updates at matches for a number of years now so I daresay our paths will cross again.

 

The ground sits within Southchurch Park, the cricket pitch and pavilion to one side and a kids' playground behind one goal, and the entrance brings you in behind one of the two small stands.

 

To the right as you walk in is the bar/clubhouse which, as I discovered is far more cosy and welcoming I side than it looks from the outside.

 

The main stand is a simple, modern 160-seat metal and plastic structure, with the player's entrance emerging from its halfway point. Next to that is a small covered, similarly simple metal stepped standing area from where, along with the man with the invisible mic and a handful of fans, I watched the action.

 

That's it as far as the ground goes. Like many Essex Senior League grounds there's not a whole lot to it and, you have to say, The Arena gives a rather overstated impression of what's within the perimeter walls.

 

Not that I'm complaining - I had a friendly welcome at the entrance, the obligatory half-time cuppa hit the spot and it was a lively, entertaining game... with free commentary thrown in.